Influences
Pia Mellody | The Meadows
My teaching approach has been greatly influenced by the powerful work of Pia Mellody. A senior fellow at The Meadows, she is the author of several groundbreaking books, including Facing Codependence, Facing Love Addiction and her latest book, The Intimacy Factor. Pia Mellody’s work in codependence, boundaries, and the effects of childhood trauma on emotional development changed my understanding of adulthood and maturity. Pia Mellody developed theories that are the foundation for my Grow Your Functional Adult Skills classes.
How Pia identified the concept of a Functional Adult
Pia Mellody was a nurse at the Meadows when she realized that a large majority of the people seeking treatment for addiction had histories of abandonment, neglect, abuse of all kinds, and enmeshment with a parent, the parent’s marriage or the whole family system. As Pia interviewed person after person, a unique and clear pattern emerged. All had five similar symptoms:
They had little to no self-esteem, often manifested in the carried shame of their primary caregivers;
They had severe boundary issues;
They were unsure of their own reality;
They were unable to identify their needs and wants;
They had difficulty with moderation.
With an interviewing approach fueled by her intuition, Pia Mellody had discovered what she called developmental immaturity, also known as “codependency.” She defined codependency as a “failure to be in healthy relationship with oneself.” She had come to understand the word “abuse” in a much broader context than clinicians had previously understood it. She identified that unless people grow up with functional parents, they will have difficulty in what she calls the five core issues: Self-Esteem, Boundaries, Reality, Dependency, and Moderation. And that with education in adulthood, people could “grow” their functional adult selves and essentially re-parent themselves.